I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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