I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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