im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
