We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
