Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
