Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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