Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
