as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I didn't notice because vodka
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
