my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
