it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
