You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
