just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
