he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
