You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
