If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
