I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
