why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i dont even know how to be here
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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