what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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