found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
