Your face is a jimmy john
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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