I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
