I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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