Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm experimenting with sincerity
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
