I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
