i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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