I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
