That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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