I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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