Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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