Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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