she woke up with a sticky ear
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
