It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
