Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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