I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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