we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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