Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
