I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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