I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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