Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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