I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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