She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
