Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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