and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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