I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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