Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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