no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
