thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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