She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
