you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
