im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
