it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
