My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
