what day is it and did you see me today?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She's not a foreskin expert like you
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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