I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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