i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
