i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
