at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
