Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
