it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
