the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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