i permit you to call me
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
no you cant smoke seaweed
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
