tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
