I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
