and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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