thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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