you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
