At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When did angry sex become our thing?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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